Get ready, skeptics. I am about to let you in on a secret. Not just any secret, but the secret to accumulating immense wealth, power, happiness, and fame. This closely guarded secret has been secretly protected and handed down by the rich and powerful secretly through the ages...in secret. I have been on a days-long quest to learn the secret, and I will now share it with the rest of you, my friends, in three easy steps so that you may also bask in its knowledge and utilize the secret to your advantage. Once you have learned this secret, nothing will be out of your reach.

Step One: Write a book.

Name your book The Secret. This title will grab the attention of the average bookstore customer who is looking for an easy answer to their problems in the self-help section. Begin the book by telling your readers a tear-jerking personal anecdote detailing the miserable state of your life before you came upon this great secret. Reiterate to your readers that you alone are in possession of the secret to happiness, wealth, and good health and that you are eager to share it generously and humbly with them. Remember to capitalize the word 'You' throughout the book when referring to the reader. This will make the reader feel important and special and will encourage them to happily recommend your book to their friends and family, which will add to your bank account.

The substance of the book should be composed of two basic arguments: The Argument from Antiquity and The Argument from Authority. The hope is that your readers will not recognize these two arguments as logical fallacies and will find them extremely convincing. Tell your readers that the secret information you are about to share with them has been known by preeminent historical figures for at least 3,000 years, and throw out some names that you think your readers will recognize: William Shakespeare, Socrates, Plato, Ralph Waldo Emerson, Pythagoras, Sir Francis Bacon, Sir Issac Newton, Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, and Victor Hugo*. Also mention that this great secret was delivered through the writings and stories of all of the great religions, and be sure to list these religions by name. Along with Christianity, Judaism, Islam, Buddhism, and Hinduism, remember to mention the Babylonians and Egyptians. This will impress your readers.

Sprinkle each page of your book liberally with quotes from modern-day "experts" to prop up your poorly formed arguments. Your "experts" can be famous, semi-famous, or unknown to your readers as long as their names and titles are typed in capital letters. If your experts are not credentialed, give them titles like "AUTHOR," "INTERNATIONAL SPEAKER," "PERSONAL EMPOWERMENT ADVOCATE", or "LAW OF ATTRACTION SPECIALIST." This will give your readers the impression that your basic premise is correct. If you do this properly, you won't even have to provide citations.

Your book should contain the thinnest veneer of science. Target readers who agree that science is valuable and important but who do not understand it. For instance, quantum mechanics and theoretical physics are very difficult subjects to comprehend. Your readers should find them both mysterious.** You can play fast and loose with definitions in order to convince your readers that your arguments are scientific. Tell them their thoughts act like a magnet and have frequency. Compare their thoughts to electricity or television broadcast signals***, and keep repeating these analogies throughout the book as if they are proper ones. If you have managed to target readers who don't understand how electricity or magnets work but who still use them every day, these analogies will succeed in making them feel that they understand your "Law of Attraction" and will convince them that you are correct.

Step Two: Oprah.

Step two is the most important step in the process. If you can attract Oprah's attention, you can make her power work for you. Contact Oprah, and share stories from your adoring readers who say they have used the secret knowledge you gave them to achieve wealth and happiness. Call them miracles. Talk about how the Universe mirrors the thoughts and feelings of human beings and reflects them back to each of us. Make Oprah's viewers feel like they are the center of the Universe and that they can magically manipulate the Universe and control their own destinies. Allow Oprah to create an even larger audience for yourself.

Step Three: $$$.

Just sit back and wait for those checks to roll in. You are still the keeper of the secret, and your readers will not suspect a thing. ;)


*This list of names is taken directly from page 4 of The Secret.

**Dr. Fred Alan Wolf, who is given the title of Quantum Physicist, Lecturer, and Award-Winning Author, says, "Quantum physics really begins to point to this discovery. It says that you can't have a Universe without mind entering into it, and that the mind is actually shaping the very thing that is being perceived." (The Secret, pg 21)

***"Thoughts are magnetic, and thoughts have a frequency. As you think, those thoughts are sent out into the Universe, and they magnetically attract all like things that are on the same frequency. Everything sent out returns to the source. And that source is You.

"Think of it this way: we understand that a television station's transmission tower broadcasts via a frequency, which is transformed into pictures on your television. Most of us don't really understand how it works, but we know that each channel has a frequency, and when we tune into that frequency we see the pictures on our televisions. We choose the frequency by selecting the channel, and we then receive the pictures broadcast on that channel. If we want to see different pictures on our television, we change the channel and tune into a new frequency.

"You are a human transmission tower, and you are more powerful than any television tower created on earth. You are the most powerful transmission tower in the Universe. Your transmission creates your life and it creates the world. The frequency you transmit reaches beyond cities, beyond countries, beyond the world. It reverberates throughout the entire Universe. And you are transmitting that frequency with your thoughts!" (The Secret, pg 10-11)

Alright, who's responsible? *giggles* Someone signed me up for the AFA's e-mail alerts, and this one's got me scratching my head:

Join us to see the next religion to threatening Christianity. Important free broadcast - Not Evil Just Wrong – Global Warming Science or Religion?

Who: Everyone, all skeptics are welcome.
Where: AFA Action Alert Video webcast and AFR radio stations nationwide.
When: Tuesday November 17, 2009 7pm CDT or 8PM EDT.

Tim Wildmon and Crane Durham of AFA will be joined by Ann McElhinney and Phelim McAleer, the makers of the movie "Not Evil Just Wrong" along with other guests including members of Congress and business people as we discuss the Green Religion that is being scared upon us by the secular humanists. Get the facts and counter the myths. We have brought out the experts to arm you. The webcast will clearly layout the distortions and the marketing strategy involved in this deception. See why our leaders have embraced this movement to grab total control of our lives and use population control to satisfy there reckless desire for power. There will be live blogging from the audience and phone calls as we expect the turnout to be large as this issue is critical to our families future.The documentary is available for purchase if you miss the webcast we will also make the 2 hour broadcast available on DVD.


Movie Facts

Global warming alarmists want Americans to believe that humans are killing the planet. But Not Evil Just Wrong, a new documentary by Phelim McAleer and Ann McElhinney, proves that the only threats to America (and the rest of the world) are the flawed science and sky-is-falling rhetoric of Al Gore and his allies in environmental extremism.The film drives home the realities of that extremism. "Turn off your lights. Turn off your heat when you get cold. Turn off your air when you get hot," one man on the street says. "And then think about that."Not Evil Just Wrong warns Americans that their jobs, modest lifestyles and dreams for their children are at stake. Industries that rely on fossil fuels will be crippled if the government imposes job-killing regulations on an economy already mired in recession. Small towns in the heartland, like Vevay, Ind., will become bastions of unemployment and poverty. Breadwinners like Tim McElhany in Vevay will lose their jobs -- and will have to start borrowing money again just to buy bread for their families.The damage that would be wrought is unjustified by the science. Not Evil Just Wrong exposes the deceptions that experts, politicians, educators and the media have been force-feeding the public for years. Man-made pollution is not melting the polar icecaps. The ocean will not rise 20 feet in a flash. And the only polar bears dying because of man are the ones who try to eat men.McAleer and McElhinney debunk what, for a time, was the environmental movement's most powerful weapon of disinformation, the infamous "hockey stick" graph that attributed a supposedly unique burst of warming in the 20th century to humans. They also shatter the myth that the hottest years in the United States were 1998 and 2006. The hottest year was 1934, and the hottest decade was the 1930s -- when there were half as many people and no SUVs or jumbo jets.

I'm going to try to tune in tonight. Does anyone have the time, patience, and/or curiousity to tune in with me?

You may find it hard to believe, but in my 33 years of living on this earth, I have never gotten drunk. I have never even been buzzed. Oh, I have nothing against drinking alcohol. I'll drink a mixed drink or a glass of wine socially on occasion, but only enough to make me feel relaxed and happy. I have heard, though, from a very reliable source (*cough*myhusband*cough*) that drinking larger amounts of alcohol can cause positional alcohol nystagmus and rotatory vertigo, or in layman's terms, "the spins."

So, what causes "the spins?"



(Oh, Larry. The last thing you need is another 12 pack. *giggles*)

It all comes down to the vestibular system, located in the inner ear. The vestibular system is the key to our senses of balance, movement, and position. It is made up of two components: the semicircular canals, which indicate rotational movements, and the otoliths organs (saccule and utricle), which sense the direction and speed of linear acceleration and the tilt of the head. The vestibular system sends signals primarily to the neural structures that control our eye movements and to the muscles that keep us upright.

The semicircular canals are filled with fluid (endolymph) and contain cilia which act as motion detectors. The ends of the cilia are embedded in gelatinous structures called cupulae. As you move your head in any direction, the cilia sense the movement of the endolymph flowing through the canals, and a signal is then sent to the brain.

Alcohol causes vertigo by affecting the cupulae in three stages. Endolymph is the same density as blood. When the blood alcohol level reaches 25-40 mg/dL, alcohol diffuses into the cupulae, and the cupulae become less dense and rise (stage I). The abnormal nerve impulses tell the brain that the body is rotating, causing dizziness and nystagmus. As the alcohol diffuses into the endolymph (approximately 3 to 5 hours after ingestion), the endolymph and the cupulae once again have the same density, and the spinning sensation stops (stage II). Approximately 5 to 10 hours after ingestion, the alcohol diffuses in the endolymph, and the cupulae become more dense and sink (stage III). This again induces dizziness and nystagmus with the spinning sensation being felt in the opposite direction.

This process sounds absolutely fascinating, but I don't think I'll be experiencing it personally. It sounds...nauseating. I'll stick with my puny half glass of wine, thank you very much.

Here is a webcomic floating around the internets.
found at LukeSurl.com
There's more...

The ladies of negative entropy had so much fun doing our first cleaning experiment we figured we would do another. In the comments of the first post we wondered how "green" cleaners, faired against our winners of the first challenge vinegar and lemons. We were also curious about cleaners with bleach. So in our second match-up we pitted green works against a generic household cleaner with bleach and an equal parts mixture of vinegar and lemon juice.


First, a reminder of how we performed this experiment. We taped off four squared on my kitchen countertop. I rubbed the squares with a really gross washcloth. One square was the control and was not cleaned. We swabbed it, with a sterile swab, and inoculated the agar plates. Each of the other squares were cleaned with a particular cleaner. After they were cleaned we swabbed that squared and inoculated the agar plate. The plates were incubated in my toaster oven. Don't worry whichever cleaner wins gets to clean my toaster oven.

Onto the surprising-ish results. Remember the agar plates from the first experiment, the control had a ton of bacterial colonies. Although vinegar and lemon won and killed more bacteria, compared to the original control plate, all three cleaners were pretty effective. Now fast forward to our recent experiment, the control was not so overrun with bacteria. I guess next time I need to have a more dirty counter-top. Anywho, compare the control plate to the green works plate. Lots of bacterial growth on both. The plate representing the square cleaned with green works had 18 bacterial colonies growing, a little over twice as many as the worst cleaner from the previous blog post. Along with the fact that the control plate shows there was less bacteria to kill, I think that that green works is not a great disinfectant compared to the other cleaner.


Control


Green Works

So how did the other the other cleaners do? Well the agar plates from the vinegar and lemon cleaner only had two bacterial colonies.


The overall winner of both experiments was the cleaner with bleach. There was no bacterial growth on the agar plates at all. This wasn't very surprising, but I was curious if the cleaner had a high enough bleach concentration to kill the bacteria. Turns out there is enough bleach to be an effective antimicrobial.


I decided after these experiment to switch to a cleaner with bleach, and I am staying away from green works. If I want to be "green" I can use vinegar and/or lemons they are cheaper and more effective.

100K of vodka and cognac gone. Nuff said.



found via geekologie